At the moment I am sitting at my desk and my mind is racing. Just did an aptitude test with a place called Alps Ireland. Their based in Millstreet, so it’s only 20 minutes from my house. Tis’ a long time since I’ve done a dexterity test like that but by God was it nerve wracking. Putting things in holes and washers on pins and all under the watchful gaze of the resident tester. There were 8 others for the test so before we even started there was a bit of competitiion.
It didn’t help either with the ‘lady’ shouting at everyone as she walked around the table….”Faster now…you must go faster than that…speeding up as you go along now!!”…all the while with her stopwatch in her hand pacing around the table.
I can’t speak for the others but this had the desired affect of making me even more nervous than what I already was. Not saying that I was nervous at all but it felt like you were doing the test to save your family from the guillotine.
“If you don’t pass this test, we will have no other choice but to chop off their heads!…Their fate lies in your hands, Monsieur!!!!!”
My hands started to shake ..looking at the others to see if they felt my anguish…those girls across from me are flying. They were like pre-programmed robots. The results were there for everyone to see. The bloke next to me must have had a big family because he was putting every living fibre of his being into beating me. He did well at the “put the red things in the hole test” but the later “washers and pins test” was a miserable display of his earlier dexterity! His poor family would not survive the day at this rate!
Our little silent fight went on…little glances at the end of a test to see who was best. However, take a quick shimmy over to the ladies and they obviously were taking some kind of pyschological drug that blocks out all other outside influences. Lets face it….women are better than men at those little bitty kind of things. But can they lift 2 bags of coal on their shoulders or change a tyre without breaking a nail. Some can…don’t get me wrong…but 90% can’t…so there! I will probably pay dearly for those comments but you must remember than I am near a nervous breakdown after that bloody test!
The most demoralising thing was when they named the people who would be getting a calll within the next few days…some people are useless at doing these kind of things. I know from experience that not all God’s creatures are created equal…some are as slow as a wet week….but on the other hand they can be genuises when it comes to certain tasks.
So now it is my time to wait for the call for an interview. I dread to think what they will do for the interview. Strap you to a chair with a your balls hanging through the seat. A naked light shining on your face with a big bastard of a fella berating you with detailed questions on you life. If you don’t get the right answer to his question…you will feel pain that you never thought existed. I’m looking forward to that one already.
That’s the way things are going in Ireland. Only the best will get the jobs. There will only be a certain amount of sweets to go around in the future and it will be the good boys and girls who will be sucking on them!