SUV Heaven

In a few years time in a far off land a little boy will be sitting on his fathers knee and the eternal question will be uttered from the childs lips….”Daddy…where do all the SUV’s go when they die…do they go to SUV heaven!!!”

A virus has hit these shores in the form that we have never come across before. Massive machines have taken over our roads system. Gone is the simple hatchback…..the car packed full of kids with icecream all over the back seat…those days are on the brink of extinction…

There have been remedies to the flu like pandemic of huge jeeps and SUV’s …new roads and motor ways to keep them from hogging the roads. Extra filling stations to keep them full up at all times. It may be a bit of a rant but I can remember a time when you had to be living up a mountain to justify having a jeep. Don’t get me wrong…I have driven them and it is only when you actually drive these monsters that you realise the power that has been bestowed on the people in such a short period of time. They can go like nothing else I have driven. Monster machines comes to mind. Does this spell the end of mankind…the rise of the machines…..at this point should I start digging a good sized bunker to accomadate a family of four for an indefinite period of time….
mad max

Picture the scene…you are parking your little car in the local supermarket with the shopping list clutched tightly in your hand when all of a sudden the ground starts to shake …you glance in your rear view mirror…..an unnatural sounding machine has pulled up beside you ….the biggest jeep in the village has parked next to you! Do you panic and hide or do you clench your fist and with a determined grit ….make your way to the trolley bay!! Eyes straight ahead now …don’t look at the monster now….mustn’t even glance in their direction for fear of an assault…….Too late…you can’t help yourself…looking closer you see the driver descend from the turret of a driving seat! For God’s sake …the driver can’t be more than 5 foot high…the bloody thing must be custom made to enable the monster machine to be driven by such a waif. Resume another horrible shopping experience and try to block the event from the recesses of your mind.
What has this world come to? Do people really need these monsters to get around. Really…I mean…. really like!! I must admit I’d break down the Berlin wall to get my hands on one but….oh I completely forgot….that wall came down years ago, for heavens sake. Look at the haunting affect that these machines have on my mental ability to assimilate the history of the Eastern Block and it’s demise. They didn’t have big jeeps in Eastern Germany…oh no…Ladas all round my dear people.

Time for a true story people. My wife was collecting our children from school a few weeks ago and as she returned to her car with all the complexities of life filling her head at an unstopppable rate….she just happened to pass one of these monsters and without any warning the back boot of the thing suddenly opened! Well …she nearly jumped wtih the fright ….not a normal occurrence to happen on the country byways where we live. She glanced around her shoulder to see way off in the distance the waif like owner of the monster with her clickerdooodeethingy aloft ….all ready she was to put her little childs bag into the fathomless boot!!!!! Just for show offs…thats what I say!! It didn’t do my wifes nerves any good at the time. She initially thought that the machine was trying to talk to her. Maybe it was. Maybe it wanted my wife to set it free on the mountain roads…maybe it wanted to get its mudgaurds dirty for a change and rip up the side of ditch just for fun.

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