Steady as She Goes!!

Even though I have been away from these pages that does not mean I am not present and willing to contribute. Tonight I was checking my stats and low and behold wasn’t the 17th December 2012 my busiest day ever on these pages. I cannot account for this traffic as this was a considerably quiet period in my writing career so far. To say the least I am shocked by this considerable presence on these pages.

Stats are important to me….not the be all but it is always nice to know some people are calling to say hello. I know there are some of you who may sniff at my pitiful stats but lets say….quality rather than quantity. So let this be a thank you to you all for your visit. I know we all go through moments of doubt in our blogging and this is for me the spur to keep my gallop steady as she goes!!!!

January

My brother and I will be going to a gig in Cyprus Avenue on the 19th of this month. This is what I would consider a long awaited event in my increasingly mundane life. The band…Clap hand’s say Yeah….a band that my brother absolutely loves and by default I suppose will also have to love with the same vigour. What is an event in my life, lately? Anything that doesn’t involve the usual chore of life. For those of you who may have had some interest in these pages over the last few years you probably understand my passion for the gig. Especially bands that I have not seen before or who may surprise.
Now that I am working and pulling in a wage I can kind of justify this little expedition with my loving brother. Maybe it will be one of those look back through tinted glasses gigs. The last gig I went to at this venue turned out to be one of the best gigs that I had the pleasure of attending. A surreal experience with manic fans jumping around with an “I can’t believe I’m here” look on their face!….I have discussed this gig on other pages so stop repeating yourself.
Do you know the way I’m always on about the state of flux thing…well this is definitely one of those periods in my life so hopefully it will end up with a happy ending. Not like one of those Time Tunnel epsiodes I watched as a kid with the main characters floating through the version of a wormhole as depicted by 1960′s TV producers. That funny stationary movement that finds them in a parrallel world surrounded by bombs going boom at their feet just as they arrive at their unknown destination. But hey….doesn’t it always work out for them in the end….just like my wormhole version of a life…….but without the swirling black and white vortex!!!!!
Every month I will be writing a post. Just to keep the cobwebs from overcoming these pages. So keep the comments coming and maybe I will put up another post before february!!!
Now I will leave you with a taste of my upcoming event!!! Happy January everybody!!!!!!!!!!!

Clap your Hands say Yeah!!

A Slight of Hand

Listen to this a few times a day to take the pain away. That’s what my doctor told me anyway….

Some Pain Relief

On the Fence Again

Have you ever sat outside your house as a child watching the people pass by or sat on a wall that was not meant to be sat on…”Get down from there…you’ll hurt yourself”…sitting there in all your majesty thinking and contemplating the next move. A feeling of the triumnphant…a voyeuristic younger you that was always safe from harm. This was your castle and you were the King. All you had to do was watch and wonder. You had nothing to rush off to…no appointments to keep except for the sausage sandwiches that your mother served up followed by some rhubarb tart. Yes, this was the life of luxury. Perhaps at the time you didn’t realise the significance of how lucky and priviliged you were….maybe you were bored…waiting on the next activity to pop up. To be entertained was your primary goal in life. Those days were truly the days when all was fine with life.

My life seems to be harking back to thoose halcyon days once again. I remember the reason behind me starting this whole journey of confession to an unknown world and the reasons behind it. I was out of work and had to get the weight off the proverbial chest before I buckled under it. Now I find myself in the same position again….no work today…not since 30 September. I have been layed off and am now searching for a job once again. It’s like looking for apples in a field full of stumps….where all the trees have been chopped down by the jolly woodcutter and the only apples left are the rotting cores left behind….not good enough to eat…a reminder of a once bountiful orchard that always produced the most ripe and juiciest of apples.
What do you do when this happens? Firstly, you look at all the others who are in the same position as you….wonder at how this could happen…amazed at the amount of people in the same boat as you. Then you just keep plugging away at applying for a job. There is always something there for someone….from empty stumps grow the first shoots of a new orchard. It may take a while before apples are produced in my orchard but hey….I must stop these orchard analogies….I’m getting stomach cramp from the thought of it.
As my Dad said last week and every week since it seems…”Hope dies last!!”…This was after I mentioned that I might have to go abroad for work…Australia, New Zealand, Canada perhaps…The look of fear that could be seen in his eyes. He had been on that same ship so many years before me and knows how difficult it can be. The future is very dim indeed. There are some chinks of light in the distance but I really need a light like no other …. a fastnet rock lighthouse to guide me on my way and when I see that light I will set course for it immediately. I don’t want to go abroad. I’ll do anyhting to stay here in the green isle but when you have nothing but a few quid in your pocket and bills to pay…there may be no other choice. I want to be able to give my kids plenty of sausage sandwiches followed by rhubard tart….and some cream too!!!
Today I have one of those phone interviews…thats why I’m writing here now…to keep my mind off it. Hopefully, something will come of it. So cross your fingers and say a prayer. Light a candle in your kitchen window tonight and spare a thought for little old me. You never know how things will turn out. I got this far along the road and the road is long, my friends. I better make some more jam sandwiches.

Soft Wax

Ireland is such a wonderful place….a constant flux and change….everchanging and mutating so quickly and Ireland is you and Ireland is me and we must envelop it with gusto to keep it alive!!

A Well Worn Sleeve

I sit in my usual place with the words flowing from my fingertips waiting for them to give meaning to my life and in doing so explain to me the reason behind my absence. I didn’t wake up one morining with the shelves shaking or the ground moving beneath my feet. I don’t live on a crazy faultline. I didn’t fall unexpectedly against a sharp object hitting my head resulting in temporary amnesia. I still have all my faculties…..I think! I didn’t discover some new religion that relinqueshes all things to do with the outside world…..God no!!!

Why did I suddenly stop? Let’s put it this way….I felt that I just needed to. I felt that I was repeating myself.  To be able to write  these letters you need to be totally honest with yourself and the world. You need to be able to wear your heart on your sleeve. This is the way that I have always led my life….an open book. But I felt that my sleeve was getting a little bit worn…practically threadbear. So I just stopped. It wasn’t a sudden decision. I just eased into it and do you know something ….with that decision came a kind of relief.

I needed the break to gather my thoughts and order them. It didn’t do much good really because my head is still a jumble sale of nuggets waiting to be snatched at a moments notice. I was constantly thinking of little stories to tell you all but I had to hold the reigns in a little. What did I do with myself with all this free time off? What do you do in a world gone mad?

At the start of Summer I went to the most wonderful of festivals in Skibbereen with my family and friends. The CorkXSouthwest festival with headliners such as Patti Smith, Echo & the Bunnymen, Peter Hook….all sorts. We had fun times …. …cooking… drinking…. singing….. dancing…..playing….enjoying life!!! For our Official Summer holidays we spent a week in Kerry…the Dingle Peninsuala. A week in the Maharees. The sun and sand and giant waves along with the passage over the Connor Pass to Dingle most days. West Kerry is a magical place to behold with wonderous beauty that changes with the passing weather each day.

Another week was spent in Courtmacsherry with my family….Clodaghs Birthday is always celebrated in Courtmacsherry with all her cousins singing that famous song.

Happy 8th Birthday Clodagh

 

Ready for the Kiddes Disco

 

Deepest Sympathy

What do you say to someone when their loved one dies? How do you convey that heartfelt sadness, that sense of loss that accomapanies death? These are the thoughts that I have struggled with for such a long time and I find myself  asking these questions once again when I heard of Kerrys sudden loss of her sister.

There was a time not so long ago when I would have been a regular on Kerry’s pages….sometimes everyday…..her life is so full of wonderful moments and eventful to say the least. Her honesty was a breath of fresh air in a world gone stale. She was also a constant presence on my blog and is a willing contributor to whatever I produced. So it saddens me to witness the loss of her sister at such a young age.

I tried to put myself in Kerry’s shoes…to feel how she would feel…thoughts of my own sister and our relationship…that hidden bond that exists only between siblings…they carry with them an unwritten history that can never be erased….the happy and the sad times…They are the missing jigsaw piece that is needed to complete the puzzle….

Even though I never knew her sister and you could say that I barely know Kerry…..I need to send her this message….I needed to let her know that she is in my thoughts….Even though she is in a far off land, I can still send her my deepest sympathy. Let these words be my form of a gentle hug….a squeeze of the hand….a loving word to a gentle soul. I am so sorry for not being there due to my absence but I want to let you know that you are never far from our thoughts…..

Anniversaries

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about all sorts of things. Always at this time of year there are those anniversaries that make you contemplate the state of your life. What have you done with yourself up to this point? Are you happy with your progress or has there been any at all? Has your childhood plan been achieved or has it been replaced by a more practical one as time and life experience alter your perceptions? There will always be these questions…..some may never truly be answered and others may be a work in progress till your very last breath. One thing for sure is that I have never been one of those guys to wallow in a pit of self absorbed pity!!! The glass is always half full….sometimes it does slightly slip below the water mark but there is a constant little battle to top it up to happy levels…..otherwise my motor would not run to expected levels of vroom.
This May brings with it memories of last years journey with my father to Spain and our Camino….as I read the old posts I unselfconciously reignite a constant want in me to return to this magical place. It doesn’t matter to me when or how but I know for a fact that I will be there once again puffing and panting up some steep hill wondering to myself why in Gods name brought to this place…..then on the crest of the hill as I take a breather and look back over the rolling hills I suddnly realise to myself that their is a higher power out there and in that moment I am experiencing it…..the power of the Camino. You don’t necessarily have to go to far off lands to get these feelings but it helps to take you out of your comfort zone. Never be happy in your comfort zone. I’ve always felt that a bloody comfort zone is the worst thing that people hang onto. It makes us complacent and lazy. This will be the Summer that I bring my comfort zone with me……pack it nice and tight into the back of the car ….drag it out and show it what its been missing all these years and perhaps there will be a separation between the 2……the comfort will see itself off to be used on occasion while I find myself in altogether different kind of zone.
The first hurdle for me is to regain my fitness levels. I want able to run a marathon in a decent enough time…so next week I have been invited by my youngest brother to partake in a 10km run in Cork City so …who knows what that will make of me. It seems like an insurmountable hurdle but I feel that I have in what it takes to achieve this goal.
Wish me luck everyone. I hope that I will be looking back on this page next year with memories of many races and runs to be proud of.

Listen

What a gift we have been given? The ability to pick up a sound from a distance. Recognition of a fresh sound coming at you from absolutely nothing! An old voice…a familiar song on the radio. The ability to listen and appreciate the beauty of a song and sounds from far off lands. I know some people may not have these abilities but I do and I need to celebrate that I can hear. There is a big difference between a persons ability to listen and therir ability to actually hear. This can be applied to conversation or song. So next time youu feel the urge to tune out of the conversation…..step back and listen ….listen to the ones you love….the songs you love….the places you love….Listen to the silence and the noise within the silence and the power of the silent moment. Feel how it can be more powerful than the loudest of clangs or the annoying noises that fill everyday life.

Everyday life can deliver the most wonderful of sounds and it is my delight and joy to assist you all in this journey……Sit back and listen….Sorry for the long intervals…I was listening for the silence

No Spring Chicken

There was a time when a little bit of flu would be the least of your worries. You’d sniffle it out for a few days ….get your tea and toast and snuggle under the covers. As you progress in age the old joints and tendons creak with the affects of the onset of the influenza. Your body coughs out the badness and your muscles ache with cold and weariness as the virus wracks through your body. Your vision gets blurred and you don’t feel the need to speak for days on end. You curl up at the end of the day in front of the fire feeling a small bit sorry for yourself. Some people would insert “very” in the place of “small bit”.

The hard part for me at the moment is that this now nearly bi-annual attack on my body has interfered with my renewed interest in running. In the last couple of weeks you could have seen me spluttering and coughing through the byways and back roads of mallow town. Slowly but surely I have been trying to increase my fitness levels. I refer back to the initial onset of old age diagnosis when I reveal how difficult it has been. That old saying “You aint gettin’ any younger” seems to crop up in front of me like a “men at work” sign along my lonely wet training runs. All you can do is run past those signs to your final destination. With the long nights slowly creeping in and the weather gradually getting warmer….perhaps the experience will be more enjoyable.

I lay in constant anticipation of the moment when I can finish a long run with a sense of satisfaction. It may not be that far off but like all Everest ascents these moments can always feel as if they are the furthest away and most difficult to reach. I may keep a diary of the runs I do and keep it updated on a regular basis. I try to keep my runs regular…every 2nd day but the bloody flu has knocked this on the head for a few days. The little devil on my shoulder keeps telling me to stay by the fire…you’d be crazy to go out in this cold ….what with a warm fire keeping you nice and toasty……I’d like to think that my Angel has the ability to block out these negative comments and remind me that the fire will welcome you back after your run and it’s not really that cold out anyway!!!!!

That is the one positive thing that I get from running….the ability to challenge your negative self…they are equally the same….the positive and the negative…..but I always feel that the positive is getting the better of its negative brother. Don’t get me wrong….there have been those days when my barometer of life have stayed in the negative…but at the moment big brother has come out to play and it feels good to be alive. All I have to do now is wait for this bloody flu to go. The whole house has had it for what seems like an eternity……coughing and spluttering for weeks…..the whole country seems to have it.